I was ghosted, y’all and I’m so slow, I didn’t realize it until almost a month later. Believe it or not, my first thought was, “Oh my goodness, he must have passed away” (some ego, huh?). I was scared and nervous until a Google search informed me that sir is alive and well. Then I felt a way. I mean…it’s completely my fault but I still didn’t like it. I remember I tried to ghost this guy once but felt bad about it. When he asked what he did to deserve the silent treatment, I told him. Respectfully. He then proceeded to cuss me out. Which kinda supported my decision to ignore the majority of his comments and DMs in the first place.
I’m learning and growing though it. Once upon a time, I would’ve been throwing a pity party, wondering why I am not good enough to receive a reply, an acknowledgment, or like the old folks used to say, a “Hello dog”. But it is what it is. Folks just decide not to engage anymore. It’s okay. With that being said, here are my takeaways:
- Respect others’ versions of self-care. I asked myself, “What if not talking to me is a way for him to take care of himself?” Okay, say less. I can understand prioritizing one’s self above others. It’s needed, especially for someone who rarely does. I choose myself all the time and honestly, I champion people who do the same.
- If you move outside your comfort zone, make sure it’s worth it. For the most part, I stayed true to who I was, but there were some instances where I tiptoed out of my bubble. Are there some regrets? Yes, of course, but none I’ll be beating myself up over. Would I make the same choices if given a do-over? I would revise some of my decisions, however, I am satisfied with the outcome, even if it isn’t the desired one.
- Don’t take it personally. This is way easier said than done. We can count off all the ways we are appealing and list everyone who loves to be around us and agree that we are good company. But I have learned that in most instances, people’s decisions to disconnect have very little to do with the person they’re disconnecting from. Yes, it (you, me, they) may be a factor, but ultimately, it is something people need to do for themselves. We can only respect that. Yeah, it sucks… I would have liked a conversation or an explanation, but it wasn’t owed, and I am okay with that.
- Give people their space. On the episode of Quantum Leap when Sam leaped into the black girl who wanted to sing, who had the strict preacher daddy who wouldn’t let her, Sam said something that I’ve always remembered and thought about during this time (it’s not an exact quote, mind you): “Hold your child with open arms, and they’ll always come back to you.” This doesn’t apply to my situation, mind you, (sadly, I think I’ve burned this bridge) but it fits in the grand scheme. Let folks have their breathing room. If they’re not messing with you like that anymore, leave them be. Let them decide if they want to invite you back in.
I’m optimistic that I will someday get my version of “happily ever after.” Until then I’ll be haunted a little and writing a lot.
Until Next Time,
Inilya XOXO
Inilya Spencer 